It's suffocating.

I wish to live and not just to exist.

Don't leave me with my thoughts.

I'm scared.

I'm ashamed of what's running on my mind.

Hey! I Missed

You who matches the pace of my walk.

You who laughs before I even finish a joke.

You who asks me to go out for a cup of coffee.

You who texts me cause you know I don't like phone calls.

You who sends flowers on random days.

You who annoys me on the books you read and the lines, sentences that reminds you of me.

You who encourages me to pursue my passion.

You who keeps on reminding me that I am moving forward.

You who gives comfort in my storms.

I miss you.

I missed you.

I still am missing you.

The weird one.

The unwanted.

The spare.

But just be happy self. You're still alive (should I)

I'm so tired I don't know what's happening anymore.

I need a break. 

Talk to me.
I wanna hear you hopes.
And dreams.
And fears.
I wanna hear it all.

Stop missing him.
Stop missing the guy who don't even think about you.
Stop missing the guy who won't even give a minute to say hi to you.
Stop missing the guy who won't bother to look back at you.
Stop missing the guy who misses someone else now.
Stop.
Just stop.

Truth is

Been in a series of depression these past few weeks or months? I don't recall when, all I can remember is that I have this great desire to be alone and make everything stop.

All the pain. All the disappointments. I am tired. I want to stop. Everything.

They asked me why, why am I depressed? I have a good paying job, happy and healthy family, supportive and understanding friends. My life is basically doing good. But what I came to realize is that its not about your career, or your family, or friends or faith or the lack of it all. Its all in the head. And no thing is more powerful than our own mind. My mind won't stop thinking and running and its driving me crazy.

I tried to speak up. Make them understand, I know they tried. But they can't fully get it. I tried to be ok for all the people that loves me sake, I tried to be okay. At first I am actually feeling fine and hopeful that sooner or later I will be back to normal. NORMAL. What a luxury. But I guess being miserable is what I truly feel.

So it hits me. I cannot pick myself in the same place I lost my soul, my passion. I lost myself in this sad reality called life.

But I will bring back the old me. I will. I have to. So I'll be going back home.