Someday.

I'll gonna have a rainbow-colored hair.

A mini-library of my own.

Eat sweets until my teeth starts to rot.

Learn to play this funky Nightmare Before Christmas violin.

Own a bunch of shoes. Shoe stopping!

Gonna have this kind of wardrobe. Eye-popping!

Own a pink retro car.

I'll gonna live in my dream house.

I will go in places I've never been.

To wear a white dress.

And find the man I'll spend my life with.

Snap.

Today, I've lost it. I snapped. My patience broke and the tiny thread to my sanity have been cut. It's nowhere to be found. I swear. I said words I never used, nevertheless imagined to use. I've never shouted to anyone out of anger or range, and I don't know what kind of evil possessed me to do something unspeakable. Despicable. I don't know, I really,  genuinely, absolutely don't know what happened to me. And after doing that I felt worst. I'm actually in the brink of crying for a reason I still don't know. I blinked  back the water that is threatening to fall from my eyes while I'm walking back. And the worst part is I don't have enough reason to cry. Nah, I don't even have a reason to cry to begin with.

And when I got home, I felt like a crap and my conscience is crawling and creeping fast, like a bullet train eating me whole. My mouth betrayed me. I am sorry on what I have done but not sorry on what I've said. I acknowledge that I am at fault for shouting at him but not sorry enough on what I have had said.

I don't know what it is in me today. Maybe I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Maybe it's in the food I ate. My aching feet. Or maybe it's just me. I never thought that I am actually capable of being that pissed and be vocal about it. I discovered that part of me today with his help, even though in the process of knowing, hurt him in the end. He'll get over it. We'll get over it. We're good friends after all. :)

Decisions I Never Thought I'll Do

Fine. I'm not a good friend cos I cant give you the comfort you expect me to, or I can't have sympathy over you. I'm just being real. And if telling you the truth and hurting you eventually qualify me as a douche bag of a friend, so be it.  You are in that position exactly because of the wrong decisions you've made. I'm sorry that I've been harsh on my words or whatever it's just that I don't and won't sugar-coat my words for you to learn it the hard way, besides sugar-coating just lessen the hurt but the thought is still the same. YOU ARE EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU'VE DONE. And one thing I've learned is that, you couldn't always be too sympathetic or kind to anyone. We've just spoiled you. You never listen when we told you it's not a good idea, you never listen to anyone to begin with. It's just a cycle, you've been there before now you're doing it again and again and again. Haven't you learned your lessons yet? Well shame on you, you've been fooled not twice not thrice but so many times that I've lost count.

Listen up, this would be the last time I would give a shit on your shit. I've bear enough. And when you decided to do that foolish thing again, please understand why I'm no longer standing for you. As much as it hurts to leave you alone, I have no better option. Maybe they're right, you just need a good beating for you to learn how foolish you've been. And when you've realized your own faults, don't worry we'll be there. We won't blame you or tell you how stupid you've been. But for now you're on your own.

In all honesty, I still don't get it why of all people you chose to tell me those things. We're not practically close but we're not strangers either. You tell me things that you should have told your best friend, and yes  we're far from being considered close friends. I'm quite flattered and riddled every time you open up. Or maybe you just need someone to talk to. I can feel you and know where you're coming from. Sometimes it's easier to open up with strangers, someone who knows nothing about the situation. An outsider who cares. Is that even possible? Hell yeah.

Don't worry dear, your secrets are safe with me. I promise not to tell a single soul, cause you made me swear in secrecy :)

First Love

My first love was when I was in grade school. Grade 6 to be exact. He is the epitome of the man I would never fall for. But I was a fool, I did. He is arrogant but he can be gentle. He's conceited thinking that every girl would gladly kiss his ass but yes, he is undeniably handsome and anyone would do anything to have that chance.

He is the one who gave me that stupid love letter as what I have been talking about with my previous blog. So you better read it if you want to know why I liked him. How I met him. And our tragic ending.

Back then I was young, I think it's just the adrenaline of being a youth and wanting to explore things and that I'm so excited to have that sudden rush of my own heartbeat and butterflies in my stomach whenever I see him, my own assumption drive me to that conclusion that I liked him. I used to deny that fact tho, cos I used to hate him. Hate him. Hate him. So much. He used to like my sister when he was in grade 5 my sissy was in grade 6. But when my sissy entered high school she's already dating a guy. So I don't know why he diverted his attention on me. Maybe he's frustrated and depressed and obsessed, or a mixture of everything? I don't know and I haven't got the chance to know the answer.

But at the latter part of my stay in that school, our heated exchange of love letters and accusations of who stares who, I can somehow feel that he genuinely liked me. Or maybe that's what I want to see? First love or not, whether our feelings are mutual or one-sided, I am happy to know him. Happy that I fell in love with a man like him. He is impossible to predict, a ball of contradiction. And up until now I still wanna see him and the man he had become.

Packing my bags.

I'm flying to the moon!

La Luna, you wait for me.

You. Yes You.

I have had spent enough time with you to know that you are nothing but bull crap. You're conceited, arrogant, over-bearing, insufferable, self-centered, self-proclaimed gorgeous wanna be. You're nothing but hateful. A hopeless case that I am willing nor capable of waiting until something good comes out from you. We both know that those are nothing but wishful thinking. Cos a man is either good or bad, and nothing in between. You think you're great? Earth for you honey, you're not even close to good.

Sugar, Spice and Everything Nice

Francisco Lachowski's sexy eyes and perf bod.

Freddie Highmore's enigmatic smile.

Aaron Johnson's hair.

Isaac Slade's voice.

Christoper Drew's swag and sincere words.

Nick Jonas' humor.

The bridge of his nose! Tom Daley. And wait, his biceps too.

Or. I'll just take Zayn Malik. He's everything but perfect!

His jaw line, his perfectly curved lips,the way he plays with his tongue.

His eyebrows, his pleading and mysterious eyes. His tats.
His genuine smile that melts even the coldest of hearts.

His voice. His mysteriousness and moodiness.

He's a puzzle I will never get tired of deciphering.

If...

Can I have a Do Over Day, please? Just this once. Please God? I'll just gonna go back and perfect that quiz. That quiz. That quiz. I screwed up the easiest quiz. That one can save me from my misery. That quiz will give me a passing score and a satisfying grade that is line of 7. Wow.

They say that you gain some, you lose some. But right now I've lose more than I can handle. More than I can take. I'm feeling terrible. It's beyond bearing. Infuriating.

All I need is that day. Just for me to pick that day, make everything right and so I could breath freely. But then I have to accept that we are not living in a wish granting factory of a world. This is reality and no matter how hard I wish to turn back time, I can't. It sucks but I just have to bare the consequences of my lack of focus on what I'm supposed to do.

Courage. Give me some, please.

"And on Wednesday in a cafe, I watched it begin again."

But it was Saturday when I met him.

One sunny, crowded Saturday afternoon.

:)

Last Time

I saw him, no his back, the nape of his neck. He was about to turn around but I lowered my head. For the first time in a long time, I stopped breathing and my heart beats faster than usual. And it felt like the clock ticked for the thirteenth time. I caught my breath when the tricycle I'm riding in passed them. Part of me wants to turn back and look at him but the other half tells me no.

I missed him. After how many years of not talking, not seeing each other, no news of him, I terribly missed him. I still remember the way we got to know each other. I miss his eyes at the fringe of his hair. The way he told me I'm cute. Those moments where I will run cos I don't want him to take me home but in the end he'll catch up even before I reach for the gate of the school. The way he smiles at me. His intense gaze that makes it hard for me to breath. Late night calls and non-sense talk in the phone. The way he put me at ease when I am dead worried about the results of the exam. Our childish jokes and giggles. The way he looks at me when he is teasing. The way I will hold the tip of his sleeves whenever we cross the road.


Why did we fall?  Maybe because I fell in love with those things and not in him. I just miss him, those fleeting moments are natural, right? Missing him and wanting to be with him again are entirely different stories.

December 29, 2012

Ain't we lovely? Haha

Pabs

Up in the air later.

Silver Surfer

Kuya putting my harness on.

Waiting.

Leslie & I

Holding for our dear life.

On our way. Treeeeee Toooooop?

The tall and the taller XD

Cha cha.

Fly like Superman!

Smile like a fool. We're hungry!

Loner. :))

We're here baby!

We can do this. Wait. We can?

With my girls.

Ticket booth.

I'm afraid. Can't you tell?

A genius shot. I'm bloody brilliant.

Welcome to Tree Top.

Just the boy I'm looking for. Haha JK. He's kinda cute.

Saw him once and will not happen again.

Sob. Sob.

Celebrating 7 years of friendship and counting :))