I don't get it why people say "Someone had it worst than you" when you're feeling down. Does knowing that people die from cancer, starvation and war can uplift your spirit? Does knowing these facts erase the pain you feel? I don't think so. And does knowing these things can change their situation? Well, I guess saying that someone had it worst than you is as ridiculous as saying that someone had it better than you.

I'm a Ninja

When we were young, my sister and I used to share a room. And almost every night when everyone's asleep I would sneak in my parents' room. I would quietly crawl out of bed then I'll do my ninja moves once I touched the floor. When I finally reached their door, I would open it with all my might while summoning all the silence of the night so the door won't make its famous creaking sound. I'm inside now but the battle's just about to begin. I would crawl like a pro military-slash-ninja, and whenever my mama would make a move (she's a shallow sleeper, waking up when she sense something or when she's being called by nature, which is often! Critical moments, sheesh.) I would stop wherever I am. Then after seconds of heart breaking silence, I would continue my long journey until I reach my fortress, a little space at the end of the bed just about my size. When I finally reached my fortress, something went wrong. There's a pair of tiny feet! I touched it to make sure that my eyes were not playing on me then my little brother made a shhh-ish sound and made the most silent shoo sound loud enough for me to hear. My mission failed! Someone made a vigilant plan than I am! And why does he have to sneak now of all time? I failed but I won't let this little whippet get his prize, a cozy place beside my parents'. I tried to over power him by pulling him down, we were too busy winning our own war that we haven't noticed that the lights were on. Mama and papa demanded us to go back in our respective rooms and they are tired that every night an intruder crawls in their bed. So in the end they locked the door. And that's the end of my ninja life.

So basically it happened in my sophomore year when I was walking in the corridor. I have a hero crush in this girl. Hero crush means I think he/she is cool and sometimes I wanna be like him/her. Like Emma Watson, Nina Dobrev etc. No homo okay? I was walking ahead of her gang so I pretend to tie my shoe to let them overtake me. They looked at me at first I thought she's staring at me. When I got up and walked behind them I adore her long, black hair. My hair is always short or medium length I dunno why. I should stop cutting it grr. When I got in our room, I realized something. Something I should have known a long time ago. I do wear a shoes, black and shiny one. But it have NO shoelace! NO shoelace! It's a strap and not a lace! Just my luck! Maybe they think I am a moronic high school baby. Just how could I miss something important in such a critical moment? Haha next time I try to make an act I'll make sure I won't fail or I won't just do anything at all and just go with the flow.

I woke up today feeling the void in my heart I have long denied. I tried to deny it over and over hoping it'll go away but the pain reminds me that it's real, determined to stay and not going anywhere, will knock me down again no sooner than later. It's infuriating cos i don't know what's missing or where did I go wrong. I have lovable family, supportive friends and I have God above all. I should be happy having them, shouldn't I?