May 6, 2014. Tuesday. One of the biggest shock in our life happened. My grandfather passed away. No one expects it, yes his body has been weak and he has been in bed for almost 4 months but he took medications and he was well taken care of. So it was an utter shock considering na hindi s'ya dumadaing from any pain except for his knees because of arthritis.

Seeing him at the end of his bed, kneeling gives me so much fear. I prayed hard that this isn't real but it is, it was. He's not breathing. And I can't even wipe my tears away. The pain is unreal.

He's been good to us. Yes he was a womanizer, a drunkard even. When we go there for vacations when I was in elementary he will go home every night drunk. He throws his wooden chair then my grandma will pull us in our neighbor so my lil brother and I won't see the whole picture. And when he calmed down we will go in our rooms and sleep.

He's not perfect. He had been in so many ups and downs in his life. He has flaws but he always take care of us. Lagi s'yang nagpupukpok ng kasoy tuwing uuwi kami, may kendi sa bulsa so whenever lalapit kami sa kanya may mailalabas s'ya. Iniihawan n'ya din kami ng mais, pinagbabalat pa ng saging pagkatapos magtanghalian. He always see us off in the bridge pagpauwi na and when dadalaw kami andun na din s'ya naghihintay sa tulay. Lagi din naming hinihiram yung bike n'ya and we always watch tv in the afternoon.

The first image that comes in my mind whenever we talk about him was when I saw him grilling some cashew nuts. When he saw me he made a shh sign and I nodded and run thinking 'yehey may kasoy ulit!'.  That and not the picture of him throwing chair when he's drunk. That and not him lying in bed asking for some water or his wallet. That and his little ways of making us smile. That's my grandpa, he loves to spoil us and make surprises. I will miss everything about him. He will always have that place in my heart no one can ever replace.

He might not be a good person but he's always, always been a good grandfather to us. And a good father to his sons and daughter. We love him in his flaws and imperfection. We love him even tho he's always drunk at night and pagbubuntungan ng galit ang lola namin. We love him even tho he's a womanizer. And we love him more when he embrace Jesus in his life.

He accepted Jesus Christ as our savior when he is turning 70, a great reminder that it is never too late to be saved and know His greatness. He's a changed man on the day he first step in the Church. He is a new person when he first sing praises and read the bible by heart. He is a better man when he became a servant of God. And it always brings me tears how great God worked in my grandfather's life. He repent and never repeat his past mistakes. He is a great man and I can't love him more.

Yes it is painful and sad. Yes we will grieve. We'll cry in the night remembering him. But we'll move on knowing that he's victorious. Victorious with the Father. He is in the promise land. His journey here is over but he will live an eternal life with Our Father in Heaven. And he will always be in our hearts.