On the Other Note

It is not because I don't care. It is not because I loved him less. It is because I love him so much that I can't be selfish with him. I can't selfishly ask him to stay and wait for me when he deserves more than that. More than what I can offer. He deserves to be happy. And I wish him all the happiness he deserves whether it involves me or not. Regardless if it is because of me or not. Just for him to be happy.

And maybe we love each other so much that it scares me. He loves me too much to let me go and I to him that I am able to let him be happy whether with me or not. Or maybe, just maybe, I am simply afraid that I can't reciprocate his feelings in the end.

Sometimes I hate myself

I was so stupid to believe that there is so much more. That there is so much more in simple Hi's and Hello's. There is so much more in smiles that we exchanged. That there is so much more in your stares and gentleness. You came without warning. You made me fall. Made me believe that a girl like me can be loved the way I dreamed to. You made me feel special. You made me fall deeply, madly, in love with you. And now you're gone without saying a word. Just how cruel can you be? You think I can just act as if nothing happened after all you've done? You think I can cope as easy as you can when you don't even bother explaining yourself? You think I can simply adapt with this sudden change? And if you think I can't pull myself together just because you're gone, think again. I'll prove you wrong. I have had faced too many heartaches before I met you. It's not as if you're the first but I'll make sure that you will be the last.

Brother's In Love

I've been observing my lil bro for a few weeks now. He started listening to love songs, from metallic rock to love song? Creepy. He started singing in showers. Double the creepiness. And yes, he asked advice/signs on how to know if the girl you like, likes you back. And that's enough for me to faint.

At first, I don't welcome the idea. He's still a baby for me (haha who am I kidding? I'm just threatened that I would be the only single one in the family) but reality is he IS growing up. He's taller than me now but of course I am talking about emotional maturity. I just can't picture him with a girl and being lovey-dovey. Gaah! It is his first time to actually, truly like someone. He's been single since birth, never dated, never woo a woman. I always tell him to study first before breaking a woman's fragile heart. And he told me, "Ang hirap kaya para sakin sabihin na crush ko sya." How cute is that?!

I know he is young and should experience a normal adolescence hood and having crushes, bf/gf is normal at this point. But I'm a very protective sister. I think it is pretty normal tho like on how my older siblings been protective over me. I might not show it sometimes but I always, always find the need to know who or what kind of persons they are interacting with. But I don't usually tell them. NO. I never tell them so it's a secret. They will tease me to death on how paranoid I am or it might creep them out haha.

And right now, I'm just excited on how my lil bro's first innocent puppy love will grow.