Cos You're Hateful!

We haven't seen each other for a week, for A WEEK. SEVEN DAYS. And there you are flirting with another girl. Like seriously? Now I feel like a crap. Haha I knew it you are not as perfect as what I pictured you to be. Good to know that you are human, a man. Like any other man. You hit me where it hurts, where it'll bleed for days and I won't be able to cope for a week or two or worst a month.

Fine, I might be overreacting or maybe I am just over thinking. But I've seen enough, heard enough and I'm done with you. I don't wanna listen to any of your bullshit. I don't need a reason to hate you, you're hateful enough. For once I am being incredibly unreasonable and stubborn and guess what? I like it. I was shocked, seriously like I still can't believe my eyes but no matter how many times I blink wishing my eyes are just playing on me, the scene won't disappear let alone change. It doesn't change a dang thing but reality fuck me up and made me realize how idiotic and dreamy I can be.

I'm so effing feel like a crap today. I might have behaved like a dang fool but I won't let you see me cry. Cos you're not worth it, I'm not being bitter-bitter, I am bitter. How hypocrite of me if I say no, eh? You're not worth it cos you're not, because I want to think you are not. As simple as that. I just can't believe I fall in love with an obnoxious, over-bearing, conceited, cotton candy guy with a sexy voice and nice smile like you.

Now all the unicorns are gone and I've reached the other end of the rainbow just to know that the pot of gold turn out to be an ogre's dung. Frogs are singing a mournful song and snails won't leave me alone. Bury me now before I bury you.

Bummer

I haven't stayed in our hometown foe a week and 4 stupid guys asked for my number, and guys are whistling or checking me out which is totally gross. (Gross maybe because they aren't my type.) I might sound conceited but I'm not. I'm not flattered at the very least. It bothers me to the fullest! I'm not that good-looking okay. I'm just average which is totally obvious. But I don't know what's wrong with the guys around. Are they that desperate as to ask for a girls name or number that looks like a damn truck?

Like seriously the first guy asked for my number in the terminal, and I swear I looked bad that time cos I've slept in the bus for hours. No powder, pure oil in my face. Gah! That's hilarious and embarrassing at the same time. The second guy was from the grocery store. It was noon and they had few customers, I'm genuinely happy that I don't have to wait in long lines because I carry too much baggage. When i finished paying and about to get my groceries this attendant asked to help me carry my groceries and I gladly said yes. I thought it was just courtesy so why decline eh? When I was about to ride a tricycle, he won't give me my groceries unless I give my damn number. And just smiled and said "next time". He's being incredibly persistent and is trying to act cute and talked as if we've known each other for the longest time and he asked again. And I was like "that's so sweet of you, can I shoot you now?" but I snapped, manners, so I smiled sweetly and again declined. Luckily he stopped cos the tricycle driver is waiting for me and he's causing delay for the driver and I, which I am thankful knowing that he is not that insensitive.

But seriously, I won't give my effing number for goodness sake! Just how close are we mister? We haven't had made any decent conversation and here you are acting all cute and casually asking for my number? Gah! The nerves. The two guys aren't worth talking. I'm tired and people are pissing me off. I would rather live in a cave than to endure another day with this kind of guys roaming around.

I Beseech You, Not!

Do you know what hurts? It’s knowing that you will never be there when I need you, when I want you to. But what makes it worst is the fact that I’m still hoping, pathetically hoping that you would be. I don’t know what it is in you that make me want you beyond normal. Maybe we all want and desperately chase things that will never be ours. Hope not!

But what can I do? It’s hard to catch my breath when I love you beyond belief. When I care for you more than the cookie I’ll eat, more than the dress I’ll wear. My desire to know you more is greater than my shame. And who cares if I sound pathetic? You genuinely know I’m all talk, wishing I can do all the words I say. So I’ll just pray that you’ll hurry. Hurry up and realize that you love me too before I get tired chasing you.

Hopeless Case

How can I move on when every strum you made with your guitar takes my breath.

And every gaze you throw send chills in my bones?

All this I-am-moving-on-thing is forgotten with a single smile.

I'm trying so hard to detach myself from you and your world.

But you still are the empty pages in my diary waiting to be filled..

So I came up with a conclusion to love you as much as I want to,

And let my little, stupid, pathetic heart give up on its own.

Half of Me is You.

There is this guy I have long adored. He hold hands with his guitar and breath with his music. It is his passion and I've got nothing against it for he's been in love with it long before he even learned to speak. Fixated with it enough to even bother to know my name and just spare me some glance.

I love to love, and be loved. And I've learned that you cannot always make people love you. It is painful, terribly painful and heart shattering. But you cannot push them to like you specially if they have different priorities and found love in other people.

Now realization hit me hard. I should stop thinking about our make-believe-first-date in my head, not to over react with every gestures you made, stop replying the scene in the comfort room and be strong enough not to fall again with that smile.

So here I am cuddling Mr. Bear with half of my heart belongs to you. I should stop, I know it. Know it enough to break my heart but not strong enough to do so. And this feeling is consuming me knowing I can never have you. This love is nothing but a healthy pain.

But I'll get over you, little by little in time. :)