So basically my sister asked me to go and buy her food. So me being me, went out with my tainted shorts and my overly large shirt. She told me to fix my hair or at least wash my face cos it's oily. But I'm so hungry like her and I don't see the need to fix anything.

I went to this fast food chain, the guard opened the door for me so I went in and noticed that there are many customers. One of the crew asked for my order and listed it, then this guy, the one whom I have had a stupid crush on came pushing something, stopped and smiled at me. I totally forgot about him! Like omfghvb I looked like a crap! I did not smiled back cos I don't have the leisure time to return the favor cos I am talking. I can't smile and talk with two different persons at the same time, that look kinda creepy right?

While I was waiting for my order to be completed in the counter, he came in front of me and fix my drinks.  I was busy biting the lower part of my lips when he looked at me and smiled. So that! I smiled while biting half of the lower part of my lips!!! Whaddaheck am I doing? And he is so close I got my chance to read his name written in his tag. It's an N with a J! Lucky me haha. After few minutes, I've had my orders at hand. The guard is nowhere to be found so I tried to push it. But my hero came running and helped me open the door. I know he did run (or I assumed?) cos the last time I saw him he is cleaning a table and now he is here saving me with this heavy door? Lucky!

When I got home I looked at myself in the mirror. Tried to reenact the smile I just did. I was like "OMG! Who's that girl trying to look cute? NO! I look like a damn truck!" These are the moments I hate being me. My lips are cracked, my face is oily and I dress like a 7 year old kid that don't even know that violet and orange combined together are total no, no. Why do I have to forget something so basic like combing my hair, like forgetting that reading and writing goes hand in hand. Think I've left my brain somewhere in the Red Sea. Can't I just be lucky and nothing more? Just plain lucky and not lucky and hilarious, lucky and pathetic or lucky and whatever?

What will you do if the man you've always like stand in front of you and do the thing that made you fall for him the first time you've met? Me? Well, I literally stand there like a hard-stoned statue and do nothing but to stare in awe. I know I've wasted my chance but I don't wanna ruin the momentum by doing something stupid, like tripping on my own feet. Besides he catch my eyes several times so it's worth it. Eye contact at its best. :)

Lovely Mishap

Why do I always fall for all the wrong guys? Wrong guys cos, why do they have to be younger than I, or taken, or they are not into women. Someone who attends seminary, someone who's totally out of my league, or someone who don't even know I exist? The fact that I am into national or international stars just prove how flamboyant my love life is.

Age doesn't matter? Well it does for me, great deal! I have had once a short term fling with a younger boy and guess what? It turned out that I am more immature than him. Haha maybe, just maybe I'm just a selfish brat who wants something for a short period of time. But mind you he is the one who ended everything. I cried of course for a couple of days and thanks to my ever supportive friends I coped up faster than he expected. And now I want someone who is emotionally mature than I am. Younger but mature? I'm willing to talk about the details as long as he is dashing like hell.

When I was in grade 5, I received an annoying letter from someone in grade 6. I was acting like a kid, cos I am, in the plaza when a young boy came and approached me. He held a letter and I was like "eh?" he grabbed my hand cos I'm not making any move and run away. I stared at the letter he left for me for a second or two and put it in my pocket and played again. I miss those days! Playing and not thinking of anything as complicated as life. So back to what I'm saying, I read the letter when I got home. I thought it is a love letter but sod it! It doesn't sound like one! He accused me of always staring at him in the hallway! The nerves. I never, okay I did looked at him at times but not always as what he's trying to say. He danced in one of the school programs and I liked the way he move so what? But I never, ever stared at him for him to act like that when he is the one who deliberately bumped me in the hallway, smiled at me when we were practicing for a school performance, and the one who gave an effing letter with sweaty hands and trembling knees! When I gave my reply the following day, he kept on calling for me (I wrote my name on the last part  of my letter cos he asked for it. Wrong move!), but I never looked back. Ha! Serves you right. It goes for a week or so, he calls me I ignore me. He looked at me I looked back, not lovingly but with annoyance. And so after how many days of fooling around I saw a girl clinging on his arms and so I never looked at him again from that day onwards.

And the guy in the seminary. I totally forgot about him for years until that one stupid dream and alas! I remember everything I should not. Why oh why do you keep on pestering me even in my supposedly quiet and brilliant  dream? And I can't do anything about him, he's entering abstinence and celibacy for all the right reason and I cannot compete with his lover, for the love of heavens He is the creator of the world and the universe. Do I even stand a chance? NO! I'm not even worthy of an opponent. It's my loss from the very beginning.

Boys that are out of my league! Someone who is a varsity player, someone who holds a high position in an organization, someone who've won a Mr. Something contest, someone who plays the ball well, someone with a crazy brain juice. But this one is someone who do music well. I like him from a child's point of view. No ranging hormones or influence of grim reality. I just like him and the fact that he can play multiple instruments and can rock it and the fact that he can sing, he is funny, he is serious, he is mysterious and he is completely and utterly a dream for me. And why do I have to meet and fall for a guy like him? For me to realize how great our differences are, or for me to drool on something?

I always push someone, no I mean I only push jerks or someone I think of a jerk but ended to be the man who'll understand me more than I understand myself. But it's too late for me cos I've pushed them hard enough for them to find inner peace and happiness with some girl. Oh well, just my luck. I should never trust my instinct.