Stop missing him.
Stop missing the guy who don't even think about you.
Stop missing the guy who won't even give a minute to say hi to you.
Stop missing the guy who won't bother to look back at you.
Stop missing the guy who misses someone else now.
Stop.
Just stop.

Truth is

Been in a series of depression these past few weeks or months? I don't recall when, all I can remember is that I have this great desire to be alone and make everything stop.

All the pain. All the disappointments. I am tired. I want to stop. Everything.

They asked me why, why am I depressed? I have a good paying job, happy and healthy family, supportive and understanding friends. My life is basically doing good. But what I came to realize is that its not about your career, or your family, or friends or faith or the lack of it all. Its all in the head. And no thing is more powerful than our own mind. My mind won't stop thinking and running and its driving me crazy.

I tried to speak up. Make them understand, I know they tried. But they can't fully get it. I tried to be ok for all the people that loves me sake, I tried to be okay. At first I am actually feeling fine and hopeful that sooner or later I will be back to normal. NORMAL. What a luxury. But I guess being miserable is what I truly feel.

So it hits me. I cannot pick myself in the same place I lost my soul, my passion. I lost myself in this sad reality called life.

But I will bring back the old me. I will. I have to. So I'll be going back home.

This Is Still For You

I hope you know that you are wonderful.

I know you don't want to hurt anyone. But more than anything you're afraid of hurting yourself. I understand. I know what you've been through so I can't hold it against you if you want to protect yourself. I just hope that you see yourself in a brighter note, just because some people made you feel small, rejected you and hurt you doesn't mean that everyone you will meet thinks the same thing. There will always, always be someone who will accept you and love you for who you are.

You are still wonderful and I hope you know that. You hurt people, intentionally or unintentionally, and you hold it against yourself. Everyone hurt someone, in this world that is inevitable. Get over it, please.

You are good no matter how many times you told me you are not. You got issues, imperfections. But you are not as bad as you think you are. You are fragile. In need of assurance. You are someone who cares for his family more than himself. You are wonderful.

And yes, you're an a$$hole but you're not selfish. You are not and that I can be sure of because I can't possibly fall in love with someone who's selfish.

I pray for the day that you will forgive yourself. You are wonderful and its crazy you don't know your good points. I will say it over and over until you believe that you are. You are wonderful.

PS.
I told you that by the time I came back from my vacation I've already gotten over you. But it seems impossible for now. I still like you. I don't know until when but I wish you all the happiness be it with her or other girl, please be happy. I will get over you don't worry, its just that it takes more than months and travels and foods and books to get over you. But I will.

Sorry Na

Sorry na na hinahanap hanap pa din kita
Sorry na na inaalala ko pa din lahat ng yakap, lahat ng kwento at lahat ng biro mo
Hindi ko napansin, isa na lang pala ako sa yakap na di na mauulit pa
Isa na lang ako sa mga kwento mong ibabahagi sa mga kaibigan mo
Isa na lang akong biro na tatawanan mo
Sorry na kasi akala ko kaya na kitang kalimutan
Sorry na kasi umasa akong babalik ka
Sorry na na namimiss pa din kita

"Sorry na" mga katagang gusto ko sanang marinig mula sayo
"Sorry na" salitang hinihintay kong sabihin mo
At patatawarin agad kita.
"Sorry na" hinintay at hinintay at hinihintay ko mula sayo
Sorry na

Pero sorry na lang ako
Kasi masaya ka na
Nakalimot ka na
Sorry na lang ako
Kasi naniwala ako
Sorry na lang ako

Before the Fall

He loves all things classic; books, movies, places. He has a manly statuesque but looks like an imp when he laughs. But I love that part of him anyway. He don't eat mushroom when it is soaked in soups, he loves it on pizzas. He can't eat his fries without ketchup and a lil sprinkle of pepper. Cries on chick flicks but so tough and strong when he holds my shoulders and pat my head so gentle as if I will break anytime.

He loves to read and talk and stare. He was never a patient man, but he is when it comes to me. He understands my silence, my need to be alone. But he is pushy when he knows I'm at my brink of sanity, he crosses the lines I draw. Strips the walls I built and delicately rebuilt it when I'm okay. He knows my moods, when I want to talk, when I need him to push me to talk and when I really don't wanna talk (atleast for a moment). He knows how to make me calm but mastered the art of pushing which button to make me mad.

He was my best friend. My comfort. The person who makes me feel I'm home. My almost lover. And I, was once his muse.

Planes & Scissors

The thing is he calls me in name I prefer most but tells no one. Like you used to.

He tells me things about myself I'm not aware of. Like you used to.

He tease me in our first meeting like we're close friends meeting again for so long. Like the way we started.

I want to know him more but it scares me. I'm afraid that the more I get to know him, the more of your shadow will reveal itself. I'm afraid that I will see you in him and I know it's wrong. It is wrong. But like a train wreck, the scene is completely horrifying but I can't stop watching.

Take a Chance

My jam for  a week now.