Hey! I Missed

You who matches the pace of my walk.

You who laughs before I even finish a joke.

You who asks me to go out for a cup of coffee.

You who texts me cause you know I don't like phone calls.

You who sends flowers on random days.

You who annoys me on the books you read and the lines, sentences that reminds you of me.

You who encourages me to pursue my passion.

You who keeps on reminding me that I am moving forward.

You who gives comfort in my storms.

I miss you.

I missed you.

I still am missing you.

The weird one.

The unwanted.

The spare.

But just be happy self. You're still alive (should I)

I'm so tired I don't know what's happening anymore.

I need a break. 

Talk to me.
I wanna hear you hopes.
And dreams.
And fears.
I wanna hear it all.

Stop missing him.
Stop missing the guy who don't even think about you.
Stop missing the guy who won't even give a minute to say hi to you.
Stop missing the guy who won't bother to look back at you.
Stop missing the guy who misses someone else now.
Stop.
Just stop.

Truth is

Been in a series of depression these past few weeks or months? I don't recall when, all I can remember is that I have this great desire to be alone and make everything stop.

All the pain. All the disappointments. I am tired. I want to stop. Everything.

They asked me why, why am I depressed? I have a good paying job, happy and healthy family, supportive and understanding friends. My life is basically doing good. But what I came to realize is that its not about your career, or your family, or friends or faith or the lack of it all. Its all in the head. And no thing is more powerful than our own mind. My mind won't stop thinking and running and its driving me crazy.

I tried to speak up. Make them understand, I know they tried. But they can't fully get it. I tried to be ok for all the people that loves me sake, I tried to be okay. At first I am actually feeling fine and hopeful that sooner or later I will be back to normal. NORMAL. What a luxury. But I guess being miserable is what I truly feel.

So it hits me. I cannot pick myself in the same place I lost my soul, my passion. I lost myself in this sad reality called life.

But I will bring back the old me. I will. I have to. So I'll be going back home.

This Is Still For You

I hope you know that you are wonderful.

I know you don't want to hurt anyone. But more than anything you're afraid of hurting yourself. I understand. I know what you've been through so I can't hold it against you if you want to protect yourself. I just hope that you see yourself in a brighter note, just because some people made you feel small, rejected you and hurt you doesn't mean that everyone you will meet thinks the same thing. There will always, always be someone who will accept you and love you for who you are.

You are still wonderful and I hope you know that. You hurt people, intentionally or unintentionally, and you hold it against yourself. Everyone hurt someone, in this world that is inevitable. Get over it, please.

You are good no matter how many times you told me you are not. You got issues, imperfections. But you are not as bad as you think you are. You are fragile. In need of assurance. You are someone who cares for his family more than himself. You are wonderful.

And yes, you're an a$$hole but you're not selfish. You are not and that I can be sure of because I can't possibly fall in love with someone who's selfish.

I pray for the day that you will forgive yourself. You are wonderful and its crazy you don't know your good points. I will say it over and over until you believe that you are. You are wonderful.

PS.
I told you that by the time I came back from my vacation I've already gotten over you. But it seems impossible for now. I still like you. I don't know until when but I wish you all the happiness be it with her or other girl, please be happy. I will get over you don't worry, its just that it takes more than months and travels and foods and books to get over you. But I will.