Talked with my old good friend made me realize that I've wasted one, two many chances. I was oblivious of that fact until she rubbed it in my face. And it is pretty amazing how everyone assumed things, how they can know something about myself that I don't. Shocked is an understatement to describe how I felt when I heard her say it. Maybe I already know it deep down but denies that fact for it scares me, or maybe because I don't really see him in that kind of light. I don't know, I genuinely don't know how I felt four or five years ago, I forgot how I feel about him because all I can remember is how we fall apart. And I think that is sad.
Everyone thought that way and maybe he did too. And now that bubble of questions that haunts me for years finally comes to conclusion.
All this time I hated him for treating me coldly after that one fated event. All questions come running in my mind that time. I was lost. More questions but no answer, not even one. How he can easily throw that three years just because of a mistake. I always thought it is unfair how he treated me, how he made me feel so small inside. How he suddenly changed. We talked less but steal more glances. And after that he never looked back at me again, he just go on with his life without explaining things. Without talking to me. He just dropped the bomb and leave. Leave like he's never been there.
I hurt him unintentionally. Hated him even. It's just that, I think it is unfair that he will judge me that way and decided to cut me off without hearing my side. We've wasted so many years because of our own little pride and fear. We were young back then and we are mature people now but the pain is still there and I guess there are things we can't mend. Things we can't bring back like it was before and the only thing left to do is to go on with our own life.
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