It's been 4 years or more and maybe I haven't completely moved on. By the fact that I've messed up so much and haven't completely liked or loved anyone after we fall apart. I always thought that you're one in a million but then again there are millions of guys to choose from. You can make me laugh even in the silliest stuff, you're not realistic but rather romantic. I know we don't last long but moments with you feels like yesterday and makes it harder for me to let go. I always thought that I'm over you, that I'm okay, that I can make it work alone but I always stumble when it comes to you. I always thought that I'm the luckiest when I'm with you. Always thought that it feels good to love someone so much it almost hurt, but realization hit me that sometimes it's not always good to drown yourself for loving someone. Always thought that pain is inevitable in every situation in life but later on realized that if you can avoid it do so. You don't have to always catch every ball that is coming on your way. And up till now, I could honestly say that you're still on my mind. If only I could turn back time and spend one more day with you.

I'm trying so hard not to fall for you. But the harder I try, the harder I fall. I know it IS pathetic. You don't know me and yet all I can think and talk about is you. The more I talk about you with my friends the more I fall. Sometimes I'm afraid that maybe I fell in love with the man on my mind and not on the real you. But who are you? I want to know you more. Talk to you more. See more of you. My desire to know you is far greater than my shame, way stronger than the panic goblins in my chest. I know this is just another impulsive decision of mine, but I could only care less and just indulge with these feelings. It's hard to catch my breath when I like you beyond belief. It is impossible for us but it is the chances I am taking. And right now, there is no second guessing. :)

There is no middle ground for me. It is either I intensely like you or intensely hate you.

 And right now, I hate you with passion, SIR!

The ever so bitter, assuming, annoying, unproductive ME.

I love and hate you with equal passion.

Ironic, eh?

You can't blame me if I start being selfish. I've had enough. I've learned that if you're too good and giving people tend to take you for granted. I'm tired being treated like a fool by you. Everyone's selfish in nature, evil in nature so don't be surprised. I'm not turning into a monster, I'm just learning to be human.

Petpeeve.

Nakakainis ung mga taong maka-upo sa jeep kala mo sila lang ung pasahero. Kung makabukaka wagas. Pang-tatluhan ba binayaran mo kuya? Kawawa yung katabi nanginginig na ung mga binti kasi naka-squat na sya at pasan buong bigat ng pangangatawan nya dahil isang pisngi lang ng pwet nya ung naka-upo. Nagbayad naman sya ng tama, bakit mo sya pinapahirapan?

I don't get it why people say "Someone had it worst than you" when you're feeling down. Does knowing that people die from cancer, starvation and war can uplift your spirit? Does knowing these facts erase the pain you feel? I don't think so. And does knowing these things can change their situation? Well, I guess saying that someone had it worst than you is as ridiculous as saying that someone had it better than you.

I'm a Ninja

When we were young, my sister and I used to share a room. And almost every night when everyone's asleep I would sneak in my parents' room. I would quietly crawl out of bed then I'll do my ninja moves once I touched the floor. When I finally reached their door, I would open it with all my might while summoning all the silence of the night so the door won't make its famous creaking sound. I'm inside now but the battle's just about to begin. I would crawl like a pro military-slash-ninja, and whenever my mama would make a move (she's a shallow sleeper, waking up when she sense something or when she's being called by nature, which is often! Critical moments, sheesh.) I would stop wherever I am. Then after seconds of heart breaking silence, I would continue my long journey until I reach my fortress, a little space at the end of the bed just about my size. When I finally reached my fortress, something went wrong. There's a pair of tiny feet! I touched it to make sure that my eyes were not playing on me then my little brother made a shhh-ish sound and made the most silent shoo sound loud enough for me to hear. My mission failed! Someone made a vigilant plan than I am! And why does he have to sneak now of all time? I failed but I won't let this little whippet get his prize, a cozy place beside my parents'. I tried to over power him by pulling him down, we were too busy winning our own war that we haven't noticed that the lights were on. Mama and papa demanded us to go back in our respective rooms and they are tired that every night an intruder crawls in their bed. So in the end they locked the door. And that's the end of my ninja life.