Someday, somewhere, I swear, I might not be writing about you. Does that scare you? It should. :)

What's worse breaking up or having unrequited love?

In breaking up, there are memories to cherish and they have had  stories together which is hard to forget cos they know it is unlikely to happen again. Even if they don't come back together, the memories and longing will stay there and will remind them of a beautiful love story once told.

Unrequited love? I have had one with my prof. But it's not love at all it's just a simple infatuation that is. It started too fast and ended too soon. And having an unrequited love is fun; stealing gazes, unnecessary talks caused by not so meaningful actions for him but means the world for you. Having someone to look for is a lot more fun than nothing at all.

I do love a lot. But it's just that kind of love-love, love-love not the real love wherein seeing them from a distance is not enough. I miss those stupid butterflies and annoying but romantic gazes. I miss that moment where I never had to ask someone to take my breath away because they had managed to convince me to hand it over freely. I guess not knowing who to love is a beast. It makes you feel empty. And emptiness is such an evil thing. Tell me it is.

That feeling when you want to rush unto someone and give them a bear hug, say no words of comfort but simply stay by his side and listen to all things that he'll say. But you know you can't. You shouldn't. You can't.  And no matter how much it breaks your heart, you simply can't. Why can't I? Knowing that I'm helpless frustrates me most.

Cos you don't know me and I don't wanna creep the hell out of you when I suddenly jump out of nowhere and hug you. I'm not a creeper nor a stalker, just a concerned citizen. :)

CONDOLENCE. I know I won't be able to tell you this face-to-face or in any other way but here. I've been there and I know how it feels. You're a good man with a beautiful soul and I believe, you and your family will get through this. So be strong my little knight. You have a big GOD and your little angel will always be watching you from a distance.

Totoo pala yung nararamdaman mo pag may nakatingi sayo? Yung gusto mo ng lingunin si crush kasi feel mo yung tingin nya pero nahihiya kang gawin? Tapos nung nagkalakas ka ng loob na tignan sya, tinitigan ka nya lalo tapos mag-i-smirk na hindi mo alam kung nang-aasar lang sabay tingi sa iba? Nakakainis na nakakakilig haha. Nagnanakawan kayo ng tingin. Tapos pagnahuli nyo isa't isa patagalan ng titig ulit? Unang kumurap talo. Haha bata?

I enjoyed the simple gestures, simple smiles, simple gaze. I enjoyed the chase or the game we're playing. I enjoyed everything. No matter how platonic or childish or romantic it is, I simply enjoyed it.

Ridiculous Mess

The fact that I'm still feelin' miserable when I don't know why in the first place frustrates me most. I don't know where all these negative emotions are coming from. Why is my life so plain and boring? Why it can't be as fun as Alice in Wonderland? As thrilling like Peter Pan? Romantic as Jack and Rose's love story, of course cutting the scene of the sinking Titanic, Cleopatra and Mark Anthony, Romeo and Juliet.. wait, why do they all die or commit suicide? Geez, guess my inspiration for romance is a tragedy in the end. I'll just cross it out.

I don't know what I want. I just need some spice that will pull me through all this commonness, I need something bizarre. I don't want a man, gah typical girl asking for a lad to change her world. That's not the type of fun I'm looking for now, but having a companion won't hurt tho. I want something thrilling, mind-blowing and utterly crazy. Alien invasion? Nah scary. Be a ninja? Just a dream. Travel the world? If I'm as rich as Bill Gates maybe I will, without second thoughts.

But as of now I'm stuck. I'm just a nineteen-year-old girl that don't know what she wants.

Red String

I'm taking all my love back. I take back what I have said. Why do I even liked that guy from the first place? He's bull-headed, arrogant and conceited. Looks can genuinely be deceiving and I was fooled once and won't let it happen again. I've learned my lesson. Well I always say that, but in reality I don't fully understand some things I've done once so I tend to do it twice. Twice the pain is better than not knowing it. Haha.

But wait! This entry is not about him. I just need a place to fret. :)

So basically I just read the magic of "red string". It exist between a girl and a boy, lady and guy, woman or man, which ever you prefer to call it, that is fated to be together. A bond that cannot be seen by our naked eye. Isn't it exciting? Knowing that a tiny red string is tied in our little fragile fingers that is connected to that one person we are destined to love. It will lead us to that one person we will love everyday of our life and will never get tired of irritating, annoying and teasing. Romantic eh? I know he is somewhere out there. So let's be patient for now. But if he is still nowhere to be found in a year or two I will go and get him. "Ask for some directions you dumbass. Take my breath and take me with you. Save me from this mediocre life. I don't care if you don't have a white horse, I don't care if you are not a prince. All I care about is you, us." Okay, I should put an end to my endless reverie. Haha I'm not making any sense, excuse me for that.