Last Time

I saw him, no his back, the nape of his neck. He was about to turn around but I lowered my head. For the first time in a long time, I stopped breathing and my heart beats faster than usual. And it felt like the clock ticked for the thirteenth time. I caught my breath when the tricycle I'm riding in passed them. Part of me wants to turn back and look at him but the other half tells me no.

I missed him. After how many years of not talking, not seeing each other, no news of him, I terribly missed him. I still remember the way we got to know each other. I miss his eyes at the fringe of his hair. The way he told me I'm cute. Those moments where I will run cos I don't want him to take me home but in the end he'll catch up even before I reach for the gate of the school. The way he smiles at me. His intense gaze that makes it hard for me to breath. Late night calls and non-sense talk in the phone. The way he put me at ease when I am dead worried about the results of the exam. Our childish jokes and giggles. The way he looks at me when he is teasing. The way I will hold the tip of his sleeves whenever we cross the road.


Why did we fall?  Maybe because I fell in love with those things and not in him. I just miss him, those fleeting moments are natural, right? Missing him and wanting to be with him again are entirely different stories.