Lap Dance

Well, I decided to share my deep, dark secrets and some random things about me. I just feel like opening up. :)

1. I was married when I was 5. My brother is the priest, my friends are the witness and I have a wired ring.

2. I don't know what G string is or what it is for.

3. My waist line is 24 but I always buy 25 or 26 cos I'm still wishing to gain some weight.

4. I put the thermometer in rice cooker to pretend I'm sick when I was in grade school.

5. I auditioned in Theater Arts in my 4th year high to have an excuse to skip class. I was accepted. Lucky me.

6. When I was in choir, I pretend to sing when the notes is too high. x)

7. I sneaked in my parents' room and hide in the closet to surprise them but ended up sleeping inside.

8. My parents locked the door because of #7.

9. I used my sister's clothes without her knowing and I will go home early so she won't caught me wearing it.

10. I burned my brother's shirt because I don't know how to wash it. It have holes and really old so I'm not that guilty doing it.

11. I still can't sleep without my teddy bear.

12. I count my steps when I'm nervous.

13. I pretend to text when I want to ignore someone or if I want to be ignored.

14. I read mangas during our Computer subject when I was 4th year.

15. I hate my tongue. Why is it always white?

16. I don't know how to use our shower until I'm 10.

17. I'm afraid of zombies and skeletons.

18. I pretend to listen at times.

19. I'm afraid of crossing the street.

20. When we were having a good laugh when I was 8, a fly went into my mouth and I've swallowed it hard.

21. I dreamed to be an astronaut, reporter and pole dancer when I was in grade school.

22. I always bought candies and lollipops when my mom ask me to buy things in store.

23. I always thought airplanes at night are UFO's visiting the earth.

24. I accidentally ruined my brother's clay work. I tried to fix it but turned worst. He was enraged, I'm scared so I never confessed to him.

25. I always cry when my brother and I had a fight so mama will be on my side.

26. I used to do tambourine dance.

27. I cut my hair when I was in grade 1 because a gum was stuck.

28. I want to have a tattoo.

29. I mute our television and turned our radio on. I just want to see moving pictures.

 

30. I'm not funny, I'm dumb.

Odious

*Sigh

I think I am caught up between reality and all I've ever dreamed of. Maybe things around me aren't as picturesque as I paint it to be. I pretend that everything's alright and that it'll be fine by tomorrow consumes me. This game scares me to bones cos I'm aware of my tragic loss.

There are times that I don't even know the real me. Am I the funny and outgoing type or the quiet and deep one, or maybe a mixture of both? I don't know thinking about it scares me too. I guess I have so many fears then. Fear to talk, to open up, to crawl out of my comfort zone. So I over compensate on being a good listener. Tell me, is that bad?

I don't know either. I thought I am very vocal or at least I used to. Maybe I open up too much before and learned my lesson so decided to hide in my shell now for good? Well, I don't know I'm still confuse on since when I became like this or maybe I am always like this to begin with?

My friends told me once that I am too secretive. And I am aware of that. There are things that I am actually itching to tell them since they've become utterly open to me, but then decided not to. Something stops me. It's not because I don't trust them. For heavens sake, I trust them with all my life and there is no doubting it. I know it is me. I know that something's wrong with me and I can't point it out but I know there is. It makes me feel guilty making them feel that way.

I have lots of shortcomings but I am trying to improve myself and for once be strong to say what I truly think, to share my stories like they want me to.

Cactus

Okay. Now I'm confused. They say that sex in a relationship is normal and needed. Maybe I'm being cynical or conservative but I know I am traditional and a fan of old-fashioned relationship. Talking about it is fine with me but doing it is a whole different story. Couple being together for a year or so are expected to have done it or about to. And I was like seriously? Where's the innocence of pure love and beauty of waiting for the perfect time? Is it purely desires and body need? Cos honestly speaking, these days people find it easier to find a partner in bed than to have a partner for life. Yeah, I know generation have passed and things changed but I believe in moving slowly and building a firm foundation before going in such extent. I don't know what it is in today's relationship tho. I love long relationships (even though I haven't experienced one) and I'm an enemy of hook-ups.

That's me and my poor judgement in today's relationship, I don't know how many of you agree with me but that is how I think. So I'll keep my chastity intact, put it in a strong box and double lock it.

Love is only for those who don't mind

having their hearts broken time and time again.

And I'm one of them. 

Get over it :)

Excuses

I've been unconventionally busy these past few days.

Be right back in a week, I guess.

:)

Oh My Potatoes

There is this guy whom I've keep on rejecting for 3 years. There are times that I enjoys his company, times that he bores me. Times when I feel his sincerity and times that feels like he is lacking. Times that he thrills me and times that he annoys me. I just can't see him as a boyfriend material or anything, just a friend.

I met him in my senior year. My friend had a crush on him. She told me that she always caught him looking in her way so we assumed that he also likes her. Days passed and it turned out that he had a crush on me. I was all like "Seriously?". I'm not flattered at all. It simply riddles me on what it is that he sees in me. I never talked to him let alone made an eye contact. It turns out that it is me he's looking for every time and not my friend. I just shrugged the idea off because I don't like him and I love my friend. But it is okay with my friend though because she's in a relationship during those time and it's just a simple infatuation. And she assured me that she's cool with it.

Then he tried to court me but I always say NO without second thought. It is not because of my friend, but I just simply don't like him in a romantic level. This goes on for years. And recently he's going out with someone. He found someone whom he treasures so much and that girl also cares for him. I am genuinely happy for him, I really am. But sometimes I feel a sudden pang of jealous and regret. Seeing them happy and in love makes me wonder and continuous what ifs is running in my mind. But I know it is me and my cowardice's fault why I have these feelings of regret. I can only blame myself for that and forever wonder what if I just say YES.

I adore people who

remembers what I say,

even though I'm just blabbering.

It just shows how much attention they're giving me.